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and the hell followed them;

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and the hell followed them i'll keep coming // low roar
friends make garbage (good friends take it out) // low roar

http://i.imgur.com/CIi8dVX.gif  http://i.imgur.com/FBBT1Jk.gif

rickon stark & theon greyjoy

captured winterfell [the beginning of the winter]

ramsay — they call him the lord bolton now — keeps asking him what's his name.
theon isn't sure he knows the right answer, but reek seems fine; ramsay smiles every time he hears it, so it is fine. he doesn't think there's theon here left, anyway.
ramsay keeps asking him what's his name; theon keeps asking himself about things he's done right and can't remember none.

theon doesn't have anything to lose;
rickon does.

[AVA]http://i.imgur.com/vg51XFg.gif[/AVA][NIC]Reek[/NIC][STA]What is dead may never die[/STA][SGN]a ruined m a n
http://67.media.tumblr.com/22629d5c3c599d948b72cc26c4f88667/tumblr_n5iwoaumBV1qddfrco4_r1_250.gif  http://67.media.tumblr.com/5159e8721abc56810743c2b64c22ac02/tumblr_n5iwoaumBV1qddfrco5_r1_250.gif
a ruined c a s t l e



suffocates at his home.

At first, Rickon was afraid, but then he realized that he is a valuable prisoner and does not die in the closest time. With Robb's death, with Jon as a bastard, and with crippled Bran who is lost somewhere in the North beyond the Wall, Rickon is the only rightful heir of the Winterfell. With Rickon in their hands, Boltons have a power that makes loyal Stark's bannermen obey to the new lord paramount of the North.
Rickon wonders why they do not want to let slip the dogs of war if they are as loyal as they say it.

Before he was captured by Bolton's men, Rickon told Shaggydog to leave. At first, Shaggy refused to do it, so Rickon had to punch it. Maybe, his wolf is offended in him, but, at least, Shaggy is alive, sometimes, Rickon sees through its eyes. Shaggy is alive, unlike Osha. She died, trying to save him and buy time for Rickon to run away. Rickon was good in hide and seek when he was at Winterfell and was hiding from Robb, who was riding off to war. But it was at Winterfell, and they were caught flatfooted in the woods, which they did not know. So, Rickon lost the game and Osha died for nothing. The only thing he can do now is to survive and avenge them all. He can, can't he?

Theon was his only company most of the time. While Ramsay has no opportunity to play with Rickon as he likes, he, obviously, decided to play with Rickon with Theon's help. Old Gods alone know what Theon might tell Ramsay before he mutilated Theon to such extent.
When Rickon was a little kid, he took Theon as another one elder brother. Neither as a foreigner nor as father's hostage and ward. The fourth elder brother, that's who he was for Rickon. And then his fourth elder brother betrayed his beloved brother Robb and everything went haywire.

When he returned at Winterfell as Boltons' prisoner, his father and mother's chamber turned into his dungeon. Sometimes, Rickon drowns in their ghosts, that visit him at night, and suffocates. Sometimes, Rickon thinks, that the darkest dungeon could be the most comfortable chamber for him. Ramsay is madly wise when it comes to mental and physical torturing. What a bastard, thought Rickon, rotten to the core, son of a bitch. Mother's ghost disapprovingly looks at him and whispers silently "What a shame, my dear, that's terrible! Who taught you that? That wildling woman?" Rickon shrugs his shoulders. Osha didn't teach him how to swear, he learned it by himself.

Rickon rarely comes out of the chamber, only when Boltons see the necessity in it, or when Ramsay wants to practice his skills. His ankles and wrists are tied with rope, his skin is pale — only freckles outblaze, — his clothes turn into rags, and he feels that he lost about dozen pounds. Theon feeds him, washes him and cleans after him — Boltons provided Rickon with "luxurious" dungeon but forgot about night vase. It was a humiliation for the proud Stark to crap his pants like an unreasonable child or to defecate in the corner. Today, when Theon comes into the chamber as usually, Rickon is in a bad mood. It is a shame to take it out on someone who is in the wrong place at the wrong time, but now Rickon does not care.

"Theon," Rickon calls him Theon, despite the fact that Theon is Reek now and is shaking every time when he hears his real name. Besides,  Rickon does not know what he exactly feels towards Theon. From the one hand, Rickon hates Theon for everything that he has done at Winterfell. For Robb, for mother, for sir Roderick Cassel, for maester Luwin, for Bran who is so far away now and for two miller's boys. From the other hand, Ramsay tortures Theon enough to feel pity for him. So, Rickon does not know but keeps calling Theon "Theon" in order to see him shaking in fear with his tail between his legs. "Do you hate me? Do you hate Robb and Bran? Do you hate us so bad, Theon?"

Rickon still sees that burned crippled boy from the mill. That dead boy is hanged opposite to Rickon's windows.

"You know, I used to think that you were my brother. Like Robb, like Bran, like Jon."

Shake, Theon, depress your eyes and shrink your head into your shoulders 'cause you deserve it.
And Rickon just wants to die but he is not allowed to do it.

Отредактировано Rickon Stark (2016-07-21 23:55:05)



what doesn’t kill you doesn’t always make you stronger.
sometimes it leaves you weaker; hoping for an end that will never come, for a mercy that no amount of prayers
can give your dirty, bloodstained soul, because you will never believe you deserve it.

http://i.imgur.com/LUCmFt2.gif  http://i.imgur.com/ecsvQIH.gif
sometimes, what doesn’t kill you makes you wish that it did.

Sometimes he thinks: it's much easier to be Reek than Theon Greyjoy.

Reek is always afraid. Reek has lost literally everything, Reek is afraid he gets hurt again, Reek has a phantom pain in his fingers, Reek is— Reek is sorry.

He is sorry, he is so sorry, for real, but, in the end, what does it change? Theon Greyjoy should have died there with Robb, he should've been killed by Freys; Theon Greyjoy died at Winterfell as a coward and traitor— exactly as a man he was. He used to call himself “the prince of Winterfell”, and look at him now. He is nothing more than a broken man with the name that doesn't even belong to him, but he is too scared to just think about it.

Don't think. Don't speak without permission, if you don’t want to get hurt again. The rules are simple, even Reek can remember them. Rickon Stark is just a little boy, but he thinks he's already lost everything; he has no idea how much wrong he is, and Reek doesn’t want to see the boy realizes it. Reek (Theon, he was Theon back then, he doesn’t want to remember Theon Turncloak, sometimes he misses the dungeon of Dreadfort, because darkness is really good at killing memories) killed the farm boy in Bran’s place — he didn't find Bran, but he did find Rickon. He couldn't kill him back then — now he thinks it would be better for the boy to be dead.

Ramsay told him: “Remember who you are, Reek, you better remember your name.”
And, oh, he remembers. He just wishes Rickon to remember it too.

Thanks Gods, he thought, Roose Bolton told his bastard not to touch the young Stark, and then caught himself: no one can call Ramsay a bastard. Not a bastard, not Lord Snow, he is Lord Bolton now, don’t dare to forget about it.

“Not Theon”, his voice was shaking, as he stood at the door. “There's no Theon left, only Reek, my lord.”

It rhymes with weak, he thinks.

“Please, stop calling me that,” he said, avoiding young Stark’s sight. Ramsay told him he has to do for young Stark everything a servant should do; that’s not much, Rickon barely even speaks to him, but Rickon always calls him Theon, Reek always tells him there’s no Theon left and hopes Ramsay will never know about it.

Does he hate them? Theon used to think he does. Theon used to think he hates them with all his heart; he thought he was more Greyjoy than Stark, then he understood there’s nothing of Greyjoys left in him, but it was too late; now he is no one, Theon Greyjoy is the name he would like to forget. He is Reek, it rhymes with freak, Rickon’s words don’t change anything.

“I’m sorry,” that doesn’t change a thing too, nothing can. He spoke quietly as he moved around the chamber.

Reek wishes Theon was dead too; the truth is that he already is, but, oh, and what? The truth is that Theon Greyjoy got what he deserved— and there's no forgiveness for the things he's done. He killed or left to die everyone who trusted him, he deserves it, he thinks, he deserves everything. He told himself he did it for his father, but his true father died at the King's Landing. Stark's ward always smiled, Reek forgot that a smile can actually mean something but a threat. He was not a ward, he never actually felt like one, he was a hostage, the truth was ugly, Robb and others were much too kind to him, the kindness, he thinks, was the reason House Stark fell; their kindness was also the thing he never deserved.

When he closes his eyes, he still sees Robb's face. When he closes his eyes, he still sees a farm boy's burned body and Ned Stark's smile. He remembers that Sansa was the pretty one, Arya reminded him of an angry little wolf, Robb was just too kind and Rickon and Bran were too young for this world. Things have changed so much.

What doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger neither.

Reek got used to pain; that doesn't mean he's not afraid of it anymore. He is too afraid to even look at Rickon, Ramsay knows that, Ramsay knows what Rickon feels, Ramsay wants them both to suffer, but he is not allowed to touch the boy. Ramsay is angry, and there're things worse than death — Reek knows it better than anyone in this castle, not only because of what he's been through, but also because of what he's seen; it is much worse when you're too scared to die, not because you're not brave enough to kill yourself (Reek isn't brave; Reek is pathetic and miserable and that's why he allows himself think about it), but because you know what Ramsay will do to you.

He made his choice and he chose wrong, everything he's done was wrong; he turned on Robb, he captured Winterfell, he betrayed everything he could, even himself. There’re souls that can’t be saved and there’re souls that don’t deserve saving. Everything here screams: you deserve it. You deserve to be here, you deserve to suffer for Theon’s sins; you deserve, at least, to be Reek.

He would say the old gods are laughing now, but the old gods left Winterfell a long time ago.
The truth is: there’s no one left to hate or be hated.
[AVA]http://i.imgur.com/vg51XFg.gif[/AVA][NIC]Reek[/NIC][STA]What is dead may never die[/STA][SGN]a ruined m a n
http://67.media.tumblr.com/22629d5c3c599d948b72cc26c4f88667/tumblr_n5iwoaumBV1qddfrco4_r1_250.gif  http://67.media.tumblr.com/5159e8721abc56810743c2b64c22ac02/tumblr_n5iwoaumBV1qddfrco5_r1_250.gif
a ruined c a s t l e



we will summoun up the one day, we will riddle all the day.
follow me, die with me.
darling, die w i t h me

                      dead can dance — summoning of the muse

Rickon does not allow to die not because of thoughts about vengeance or due to the whole idea that there is always should be a Stark in the Winterfell. Rickon can not die because of Bran. A few years ago, when Rickon saw him for the last time, Bran said that they should split up because it would be dangerous for Rickon to be with Bran in places which he was going to visit. Rickon knows that Bran would kill himself with thoughts that Osha and Rickon's deaths are his faults. What can Rickon do then? He would be a speechless ghost, he does not even know whether Bran would be able to see him. So, Rickon has to stay alive because of his brother. And his only way to survive was Theon who answers only when it comes to his name. Like he has done it right now. Theon ignored Rickon's questions, picked on "Theon". It is enough to Rickon to bridle with anger because — how dare you?

"You know what, Theon? You, or someone else, can change your name, fine, but it will never change your past. You remember what you did, I remember what you did and you can't hide behind your "Reek", Theon," Rickon is an embodiment of anger and, maybe, he hates Theon right now with all his child's heart. And maybe there is a desire to hit a raw nerve of a person who was a direct cause of everything that happened at Winterfell since Robb left it. How dare you? Rickon repeats it one more time, his thought streams with a silent hiss.

"I'm sorry," says Theon, Rickon smells his fear and then laughs. Loudly, angrily, with squawks and growls, like a wild animal. And that's who he is — wild animal. He is sorry. Rickon can scratch these words on the walls of his dungeon and it will change nothing, except his wounded fingers. "You are sorry," repeats Rickon and smiles. His smile is sad and kindly, but Theon only sees mud on the floor. "It would be wonderful if we all know how to fix something broken or someone dead with simple sorry. And you can say a million times that you are sorry, but Winterfell still remains broken and under Bolton's banners. You can shake a million times, and look away, and whisper your sorry but dead people remain dead people. You screwed up, Theon Greyjoy and you oblige to fix everything you messed up not only with your sorrows."

Rickon goes silent. He shakes just like Theon in front of him. He wants to scream loudly or burst in tears, instead, he saves breath. He is the Stark, not a little cub anymore. Besides, he is twelve, boys of his age were fighting and dying in wars. And he is in the war too. Maybe, his war is harder and more complicated than the war that Robb led. Rickon exhales. He does not want to grow up in such way that he had to. No one asks him, so he is not a little boy, but a little man. He has to do it. For Bran, for Sansa and Arya, for Jon, for Shaggydog and for, strange as it may appear, Theon.

Rickon knows that it takes twenty his funny tied steps to get to the corner of the chamber, where he sometimes eases himself. It takes around five or seven steps to get to Theon. Rickon looks at him. Rickon watches him shaking each time when he hears his name. Rickon sees how wretched he is and understands that he can not hate Theon. Rickon tries and fails. He can't. He can't hate the person from his happy past, he can't hate the person he loved, he can't hate the person who probably is his only way to survive. Rickon is not strong enough to hate Theon. Rickon can hate him on words in order to cause a pain, Rickon can lose his temper as easily as Theon repeats over and over again that he is Reek or he is sorry, but deep inside Rickon has another feeling. Does it make him pathetic? Father would appreciate his greatheartedness, or would be the first to cut off Theon's head. Rickon does not know, father's ghost rarely appears in this chamber and is silent. Rickon thinks that it is all about the crypt, where father's bones are buried. There are a lot of ghosts. Now Rickon only sees ghosts of his mother and father. Or maybe they are phantoms of his imagination. But in case if ghosts are real, Rickon wonders about ghosts that visit Theon. Are they boys from the miller, disappointed sir Roderick Cassel, or Robb? Rickon wishes he could see Robb, he misses him so much.

Rickon awkwardly rises, nearly falls from the bed. It is hard to walk with tied ankles, but who would laugh at this? No one laughs and he goes forward. Six. It takes six clumsy steps to get to Theon. "Look at me, Theon," whispers Rickon. He lays his hands on Theon's face and tries to catch his eyes. And then Rickon screams and spikes jagged nails in Theon's skin. "LOOK AT ME."

And then I'll believe that you are sorry.


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